The Toddler Repeating Phase Is Stressful When You’re a Parent Who Swears

“Douchebag,” I laughed while pushing my husband playfully. I don’t even remember what he said; I know it was something that a cocky gym bro would say in seriousness, but he was saying it as a joke.

His comment didn’t stick with me, but ya know what’s seared into my brain?

The lispy, squeaky, sweet voice of my beautiful baby girl, not quite three years old, giggling, “Daddy, you a douchebag!” very loudly across the parking lot of our local Sam’s Club on a chilly-but-sunny December morning.

“Sh*t. Oh God wait, don’t say that either. Umm … juice box! Yeah! Daddy is a juice box! Silly Daddy is a Juice box HEAD!” I frantically — nay, hysterically — croaked, desperately willing my toddler to forget the rude-as-hell vocabulary word I inadvertently taught her while wheeling our rotisserie chickens and industrial-sized bottle of laundry detergent to my sensible family vehicle.

She’s been calling us “juice boxes” for a month now. I can’t get it to un-stick.

Suffice it to say, I’m not winning any momming awards for Most Child-Friendly Mouth, nor am I earning many bonus points with the other parents in the parking lot who were just trying to buy a 500-pound bag of dog kibble on a Monday morning without having to explain what a douchebag is to their offspring.

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