Sex Toy Sommelier: Ugh, None of My Sex Toys Look Sexy


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Amazon

LELO Flickering Touch Massage Candle

$29.60

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For these kind of mood-setting, foreplay moments, I love a massage-friendly candle (LELO and Maude both have excellent ones) that offer the versatility of dim light and become a soy-based massage oil once they’re melted for a little hands-on action. If you do it right, this will scratch that sensual sexy accessory itch and open some doors to the good stuff: Communication and conversation about what’s going to feel good later on.

Stealth & Stylish

Sex toy jewelry is a category of its own that delivers on what you’re asking: It gives you all the function of the toy you’ve been craving but elevates it just a bit. I’ve had Crave Vesper
for a few years and it is absolutely the most conversation-provoking piece of jewelry I’ve ever worn out.

Amazon

Vesper by Crave

$69.00

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To be clear, it does look like you’re wearing a vibrator around your neck. Like, just a little bit. So don’t wear it if you’re going to be clutching your non-existent pearls over being asked about it. But it also looks like my sister’s favorite mid-2010s pendant necklace from a distance, so it isn’t ridiculous as far as statement jewelry goes.

But it is a pretty beautiful and simple statement to make — and allows you (and your partner, if you show it to them) to be in that sort of sensual frame of mind while wearing it, which is a cool multi-dimensional kind of foreplay on a night out. Plus, duh, it functions as a powerful and pretty dang effective bullet vibe when you want to play.

And I am fairly certain the color offerings (silver, rose gold) won’t disappoint or make you cringe.

Streamlined & Neutral Faves

And finally here are some toys that work and work well for a variety of bodies and scenarios but are low-key designs, colors and approaches that won’t feel as uncomfortable to whip out with your partner or make you worry so much about killing the mood — since that worry can be and often is a fulfilling mood-killing prophecy.

We all know that there’s stuff that just works for us: the clitoral stimulator that gets us off immediately, the handheld vibe that’s ideal for travel and discrete play or the penis ring that helps prolong you or your partner(s)’ staying power. Luckily, they aren’t all hot pink or neon purple or designed like a bachelorette party favor. So I’ll leave you with a few that might land for you:

LELO Enigma

 

LELO Enigma

$189


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This is a dual-stimulator toy that doesn’t get bogged down with the cutesy rabbit design. Enigma is powerful, satisfying and (despite a little pop of color) you can get a streamlined black version that flies totally under the radar.

LELO Tor 2

LELO

LELO Tor 2

$199.99

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For people with penises (particularly those newer to the vibrating toy game), Tor 2
i
s classy and classic investment. While a bit price-y as far as penis rings go, it’s six modes, body safe materials and beautiful design make it a total stand-out.

Maude Vibe

Maude Vibe

$69


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Maude’s aptly-named Vibe is a sleek, gender-neutral and body-friendly vibe that comes in some gorgeous colors (the green and clay are both *chef’s kiss*). They’re powerful as they are low-key, so I wouldn’t worry about the intimidation-factor when introducing it to a partner.

We’ll be back next month with another edition of Sex Toy Sommelier and don’t forget to send us your asks so we can help you find your perfect sex toy match. And in the meantime, check out 100 (yes, 100) sex toys we’ve recommended before to tide you over: 

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