Tamron Hall Opens Up About the Anxiety of Undergoing IVF: 'Some of Us Will Have to Give Up'

For Tamron Hall, in vitro fertilization was a big part of her journey toward eventually becoming a mom to son Moses on April 24.

But at first, her emotions about so many women now undergoing the treatment were mixed, as the former Today host had “tried fertility procedures” previously, in her 30s, and not been successful.

“At one of the first fertility clinics, it was so eye-opening,” Hall, 48, recalls to PEOPLE of her “tough” experience this time around. “I walked in, and there were probably 200 women going in and out.”

“You’re smacked with the reality of ‘You’re not alone,’ but it didn’t feel empowering,” she explains. “It felt sad because I thought, ‘We’re not alone, but we’re all still holding on to some hope that some of us will have to give up along the way.’ “

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Why Tamron Hall Kept Her Pregnancy at 48 a Secret: “I Was Terrified I Would Lose This Baby”

Hall “knew that that clock was not on [her] side” when it came to conceiving her own biological child with husband Steven Greener, a music manager whom she wed under the radar, surprising fans.

“When I tried in my 30s, I still felt like I had some time, and the fertility clinic felt like a bright room,” she tells PEOPLE. “In my 40s I saw all the gray: The faces looked gray, the walls were gray, nothing seemed shiny and optimistic.”

“Just like with my job search during that time, there were so many frustrations: I’m putting in the work, I’m taking care of my mind and my body, and I’m being rejected,” says Hall of the time following her involuntary departure from Today‘s third hour in 2017. (She is now set to host her own syndicated talk show, premiering Sept. 9.)

“I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute. What have I done wrong here?’ ” she recalls. “Somehow, like Rocky, I kept getting up.”

Tamron Hall Opens Up About Breastfeeding Struggles with Son Moses: “I Was Feeling So Insecure”

After she was able to conceive baby Moses, Hall’s nerves about pregnancy itself were definitely present — but she didn’t let them rule her life.

“I knew, ‘I can’t just sit and lie in this bed,’ ” says the mother of one. “I decided, ‘When I stayed in, it didn’t work, so this time I have to live my life.’ I think that was also part of me empowering myself and saying, ‘Even if this time doesn’t work out, I’m going to be okay.’ Obviously I didn’t do anything risky, but I wasn’t going to be the person I was on the other tries. I had to keep living. “

“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified,” Hall clarifies. “You feel a cramp and it’s like, ‘Wait a minute.’ You start looking for blood, for any sign that this isn’t going right. It was just, ‘I’ve gotten this far. I can’t lose this baby.’ “

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