Welcome to Better Sex With Dr. Lexx, a monthly column where sex therapist, educator and consultant Dr. Lexx Brown-James shares expertise, advice and wisdom about sex, relationships and more. Approaching education about sex as a life-long endeavor — “from womb to tomb” — Dr. Lexx (AKA The #CouplesClinician) is your guide to the shame-free, medically accurate, inclusive and comprehensive conversations for you, your partner and your whole family.
With the way the world has been lately, it only makes sense that we want to escape and find pleasure in all the ways possible. One way to feel great and do something great at the same time is by using ethical porn. Now, ethical porn may sound like an oxymoron. How can something that is sexually salacious and purposely arousing, be ethical? And yet, that’s exactly what ethical porn is, especially in contrast to what is typically called mainstream porn. Pornography is any material that is sexually explicit and meant to stimulate the viewer erotically. Mainstream porn and ethical porn however have some quintessential differences.
Ethical porn, unlike mainstream porn, often displays consent, pleasure, varied body types and abilities, sexual boundaries, and queer relationships; while, paying performers, producers, and those on set a fair wage. Showing a more realistic approach to sexuality provides the consumer with an intimate experience that can prolong and even enhance pleasure. With ethical porn, watchers also have the chance to see themselves reflected in the actors, which can spur the imagination for future personal intimacy use. Further, ethical porn shows sexual pleasure from multiple viewpoints, whereas mainstream porn often focuses on one viewpoint- that of the male gaze. Meaning that mainstream porn focuses on what mainstream men might find most arousing, instead of a variety of what various people like non-mainstream men, women, and queer people might find arousing.
Additionally, ethical porn — also called feminist porn — involves consent-based negotiations, boundary framing, and treats the performers and those working the scenes with more choice and overall respect. With the differences in how ethical porn is made regarding fair pay for all those involved, ethical porn is rarely free. So, the nominal fee that one pays for pleasure, pays the actors, participants, and company a fair wage providing a philanthropic feel-good boost in addition to the pleasure.
While it may be easier to find and consume mainstream pornography, ethical porn offers their performers and their companies the funds to create safer, law-abiding working conditions. Using paywalls and charging for consumption allow production agencies to pay fair wages to continue to do so. Further, payment also allows for more STI testing, time spent on scene collaboration, and ensuring laws and regulations are followed and enforced regularly. It’s the same premise as Hollywood cinema, where we pay to consume the art created by actors in studios, pornographic actors deserve the same access and comprehensive care for providing access to pleasure. Here are a few places you can find ethical porn.
Royal Fetish Films: Co-owned by Jet Setting Jasmine and King Noire, the dynamic duo has over 20 years of experience as adult entertainers, educators and Master Fetish Trainers. Royal Fetish Films shows a diversity in body sizes, sexuality, and people of color. Power exchange and engagement are also part of the smorgasbord of offerings from this company.
Crashpad Series: The Crash pad is “a secret apartment dedicated to hot queer sex”. Started by Shine Louise Houston founder of Pink and White Productions the Crash Pad is chock full of queer sex with over 300 episodes that also involve actor interviews and other behind the scenes goodies.
Dispea: If you are not into watching, maybe listening to erotica could be your thing. Check out Dipsea where the writing is purposely meant to drive your libido wild. The scenes are carefully concocted to bring pleasure and awareness to your eroticism. While you listen to scene after scene the details are specifically designed to explore sensuality.
OnlyFans: Last, but surely not least, is the ever-favorite OnlyFans. The OF platform has grown in popularity and is one way to find access to dozens if not hundreds of different fetishes, body types, and ensure that the person creating the content gets the actual money directly. With the personal interface, users can even request specifics and build up transactional relationships with performers if they and the performers desire.
Paying for your porn may not be high on your list of priorities. I get that. The benefits, however, are certainly worth the cost. While a free search may give you a few seconds or minutes of pleasure, paying for your porn goes far beyond those measly minutes. Instead, you get access to performers that is often left out of free sites, keep access to the artistry, and ensure that your favorite performers can keep making amazing content while being paid a livable wage for making it.
Before you go, check out the 69 sex positions we’d recommend for your sensual bucket list:
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